Being creative and creating are two different things

And they don't overlap as much as I'd like to...

Being creative and creating are two different things. Very different even.

You can be or do both, but they don't necessarily overlap.

One is a state of being, a trait of sorts, the other is a verb, an action that involves actually doing something. And doing lists of the creative things you want to do... that's not really creating either. Unless you count "creating lists of ideas" as creating per se. I don't. Maybe a step of the process, but not an end in itself.

If you checked my Drafts pile here on Substack (or my notebooks, while you're at it), you'd be inclined to think, at first glance, that I'm very creative. And maybe I can say I am without feeling like I'm blowing my own horn. Even because I'm about to unblow it right away: I am, but I'm also overwhelmed with my lack of ability to actually create the damn thing or even to put out one, at least one, of those drafts into the wild. Either of the written kind (drafts on Substack), the drawn kind (crochet projects) or a mix of both (crochet patterns, which also involve photo and/or video tutorials).

I mean… I literally have a draft I’ve written just this week, and it’s there, looking at me with a judgemental gaze while I type away a whole new draft. And don’t get me started on sketches! Yes, sketches. Some on a blank paper notebook (one… ha! Who am I kidding…), on squared paper notebooks (because, for the type of crochet I do, I need some squared paper to test the pattern design), some on excel files.

Let's just say I have my plate full and I tend to fill it regardless of being hungry or of the nutritious quality of what's on - or about to be on - the plate.

A side note to aknowledge and say a hearfelt thank to those of you who gently answered my call for pattern testers or helped get the word out. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think of you and this pending task, but things got to a standstill of my own doing; that’s a ball I will catch as soon as I can; it’s not out of sight nor out of mind and heart! <3

A bag I've made for my Mom's birthday back in January.

I do know I am in a sort of critical moment due to a number of things that are stressing me out on other levels not related to crochet. But the truth is my crochet life is like a canary in a coal mine. And I know that feeling like I’m all over the place with my crochet reflects badly on every other part of my general life. They’re all related and influence each other. For the good and the bad.

I also know myself, and I’me aware I’m not the most focused and organized person. I’m also aware (no need to point it out!) I don’t have all the time, energy and resources in the world to be able to dedicate myself to crochet in all its shapes and forms, in a fantasy world where managing my time, energy and resources wouldn’t be a problem (or would be a different type of problem, better said).

So… The question is: what is sustainable to me? How does that look like? Where should I spend my precious time? What can I dedicate myself to in a way that sustains me and helps me move forward towards my goals at the same time?

I’m working on it, and I just hope I don’t learn the hard way. Or not harder than it needs to be. Too many ideas and chit-chat inside my brain, and I need to shut them up to have some quiet time.

I feel like I just need to empty my plate first from a few things, maybe store the leftovers in the fridge for tomorrow’s meal, wash the dishes, and start again. Yes… The food and general homewear metaphor is going a bit too far, but I’m almost done, don’t worry!

For now, just sharing a few photos with this piece: a reminder to myself I can do cool things; it’s a matter of getting out of my own way and stop overcomplicating. Practising some grace and keeping in mind (and heart) that I don’t have to, nor am I able to do, all the things. Let alone do them perfectly. And that’s fine.

(The photos are also a sneak peek of what I’ve been up to in crochet lately, and I’ll be sharing these and other projects in more detail in future newsletters. :)

Not sure if they seem related or not, but the tote bag I recently finished and the samples you see here (as well as my Mom's blue bag), all are made from the same basic pattern. Part of the process for a workshop I will be hosting in a future to-be-announced date).

PS: The draft I mentioned I started writing before this one will be edited as soon as possible. It feels like I’ll be using this place to think out loud with a pinch of self-depricating, where I practise my ability to make fun of myself (as if I needed more practice…), but it’s part of my process to get more grounded and a clearer head.

I hope you’re still here when I get back, but feel free to get out while you can (you always can btw)!

Hope to see you around,

Ana